the word fine
the most meaningless or meaningful word in the English language?
Fine. The most meaningless (or meaningful?) word in the English language? The word that means everything except fine. The word that really means we have a million other words we could say, but instead we choose the efficient route of uttering a trite fine.Feelings Inside Not Expressed. The word I use when my mom asks how my day was. The word that is the biggest lie, but since it’s a lie we all utter multiple times a day, it’s actually the truth. The word that says you came to me in my dream and wrapped your warm soft body around me like the silky cocoon a moth spins. The word that says I saw the shape of you in the pears on my mom’s kitchen counter. The word that says for a moment I let myself imagine us growing old together. The word that says I’ve been numb with both shame and longing since I last saw you.
Did my fine really say all of these things?
Or maybe, when people say fine, they really mean fine, as in everything is all right. Or in its other meaning, everything is more than all right - everything is superior in quality. Or maybe the more accurate meaning here is the noun. Fine - a penalty. Yes, maybe that’s what I mean when I say fine – that what is transpiring between us has broken some law or policy, and therefore I must pay a fine.
Her eyes tell me she’s reading between the lines of my fine. With the slight raise of her right eyebrow, she says, but doesn’t say, was it really fine? Did you think about me? Do you regret what we did? Did I push you too far? Did you dream about it, like I did? Do you want more, like I do?
